A Reference for my Friend

I was going through my old files on my computer when I happened across several letters I'd written to Muff. One was this reference letter I wrote for her back in 2004, in hopes she'd be able to get some scholarship money to continue her education.
Here it is:

February, 2004


Dear Business and Professional Women of Iowa Foundation,

I am writing on behalf of Rosemarie Larson, whom I have known since 1980, when we both attended Clarke College in Dubuque, Iowa.

Ms. Larson graduated with a degree in history and literature, and no student could have worked harder than she did to obtain her degrees. While most students sought ways to lighten their work load, Ms. Larson would consistently add to the already weighty reading lists, look for ways to do more research, or to further enrich source material for class. Her professors and classmates at Clarke always found her diligence remarkable and admirable, and Ms. Larson was a popular study partner and friend of many on campus, setting an example many tried to follow.

She is currently working hard to become bilingual, with Spanish language study, she is on the Deans List for academic achievement, a member of Phi Theta Kappa and has completed, with the highest marks, four criminal justice courses. Ms. Larson voluntarily left a dead-end job to improve her skills and gain more knowledge so that she might obtain a better job in the medical or criminal justice fields.

I’ve been the lifestyle and business reporter for the Mercer Island Reporter, a well-respected weekly newspaper in Washington State for nearly 7 years. I’ve won 5 awards for journalism from the Washington Newspaper Publishers Association and the Society of Professional Journalists, Western Washington Chapter. I’m also a published freelance writer with 17 years of experience, writing articles on everything from cooking to CEOs for local and regional newspapers, magazines and web sites. I am married to a broadcast journalist and have a four-year-old son, Nicholas, who is Ms. Larson’s godson. My husband and I felt that her strong spirituality and intellectual integrity would be beneficial to our son.

I highly recommend Ms. Rosemarie Larson for the Professional Women of Iowa scholarship. During her management career, I know that Ms. Larson exemplified the dignified and polished professional woman, and I believe strongly that she will become an even greater force in whatever company is fortunate enough to hire her after graduation. Her intelligence, faith, compassion and professional demeanor will serve to make her an employee who rises to top levels wherever she goes.

I hope that your organization will consider becoming a part of her journey back to the workforce.

Sincerely,

DeAnn G. Rossetti

Great Quote from Plan B by Anne Lamott

"I have survived much loss, as all of us have by our forties.
Rubble is the ground on which our deepest friendships are built.
If you haven't already, you will lose someone you can't live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and you never completely get over the loss of a deeply beloved person.
But this is also good news.
The person lives forever, in your broken heart that doesn't seal back up. And you come through, and you learn to dance with the banged up heart. You dance to the absurdities of life, you dance to the minuet of old friendships." Anne Lamott

There is a song out by a Natasha Bedingfield called "Unwritten" that I think Muff would have loved.
Here are some of the lyrics:

I am unwritten,
Can't read my mind
I'm undefined.
I'm just beginning
The pens in my hand
ending unplanned.

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
so close you can almost taste it
release your inhibitions..

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it on
One one else no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
the rest is still unwritten.

I break tradition
Sometimes my tries
are outside the lines

We've been conditioned
To not make mistakes
But I can't live that way, no no.

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
so close you can almost taste it
release your inhibitions..

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it on
One one else no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
the rest is still unwritten.

Muff would have agreed with that song, as a writer and a creative person, just as I identify with it as a journalist.
So this dance is for you, my friend. You're still there in my broken heart.

White Shoulders

Yesterday I stopped at a sidewalk sale in front of our local Bartells Drug store, and as I was sifting through various items, I came across a White Shoulders perfume gift set.
I picked it up with the intention of purchasing it, because I immediately remembered how Muff loved that particular perfume.
A few seconds later it hit me that Muff is gone, and I can't send her any gifts.
I felt like someone had pierced my solar plexus with an ice pick.
My husband came to ask why I was standing in the same spot he'd left me, crying, and I all I could say was "She loved White Shoulders."
Just when I thought the pain of losing my best friend was receding, suddenly the loss is as fresh as if it only happened yesterday.
That pain, the horrible midriff-exploding pain, just came right back and reminded me how fragile our lives are, how fortunate I am to still be alive, and how alone I feel without Muff.

Iowa is Drowning

There have been a number of floods and drownings in Iowa in the last 10 days, and I've been watching the news with horror, as I see places like Cedar Rapids go under, and watch people try to salvage something from homes that are now covered in mud and debris.
My friend Roger called several times to tell me of his work sandbagging and helping people evacuate flood areas. Students and professors at the University of Iowa worked side by side for days pulling books out of the U of I library to save them from a watery fate, and there have been others who have tried to save books from the Cedar Rapids library. My mother grew up in small towns around Cedar Rapids, mostly in Monticello and Hopkinton, and she has been very upset about the state of things in her hometown.
I just know that if Muff were still alive, she'd be the first one out there, sandbagging, helping with the injured, saving books and doing whatever she could to help her fellow Iowans during the crisis. That's just the kind of person she was. She believed strongly in community, and in people relying on one another to make it through the hard times. She believed that things happened for a reason, and I know she would also be holding rosaries and lighting candles before mass for the victims of the floods.
When we were at Clarke, Muff was always getting me to sign up for all these humanitarian causes that I'd never heard of, but were integral to her idea of character and conscience. Before I met Muff, I'd never heard of Amnesty International, or Oxfam America, and I'd never worked in a Catholic Relief Workers soup kitchen on a regular basis. My political beliefs were somewhat nebulous, but Muff was having none of that, and would insist that I vote and keep abreast of what was going on locally and internationally.
I sincerely hope that she's working Angel Relief right now in Iowa, helping her brother Michael with the Cedar Rapids library, or giving a glimpse of hope to those who feel they've lost everything in the receeding waters.

Incredible Yeats Exhibit

W.B. Yeats would have been a rock star, had he been born in our era. As it was, he was a delicious poet whose work has withstood the test of time. Muff was a huge Yeats fan, and she was enamored of Irelands National Art Gallery's hall of Yeats family portraits, where it became clear that William was the rogue of the family. She and I strolled through the gallery several times while in Ireland and enjoyed reading every bit of information we encountered on the famed poet. We also read about him at the Dublin Writers Museum.

Here's a link to a wonderful interactive web site on Yeats that Muff would have loved. Since I can't send it to her, will post it here:
The New Yorker's Book Bench

blog recommended an extraordinary online and interactive exhibit, "The
Life and Works of William Butler Yeats " at
the National Library of Ireland: "If the solitude and decidedly
after-hours lighting don't inspire a virtual snoop, the contents of the
halls will. Original art installations, such as one inspired by 'The
Stolen Child,' accompany explanatory video. But most thrilling is the
library's collection of Yeats manuscripts--the largest in the
world--scanned and magnified."

Muff's Birthday

My friend Muff was a Gemini, born on June 1, and she would have been 47 in just a few weeks.
Here's some information on twin sun signers that is fairly accurate for Muff, though she was very
serious and reserved a lot of the time in her later years. But I think that was part of her duality--her serious side and her witty side.

Gemini is the most lighthearted sign in the zodiac, hands down. The Twins' circle of acquaintances is as varied as their interests, so they see an awful lot of invitations. Of all the reasons we love to have our Gemini pals around, their wit comes first. These folks find humor in absolutely everything, and their ability to say what's on their minds in an extremely entertaining fashion is world-famous and well deserved. These word-wizards and storytellers are able to uncannily impersonate anyone and anything at the drop of a hat. That includes accents, gestures and subtle idiosyncrasies that no one else would ever notice -- but then, if Gemini were a business, its motto would be 'Details-R-Us.'

True to the nature of its ruling planet, Mercury, Gemini is also quite communicative. So during those rare times when these talkative Twins are actually alone and not chatting on the phone, IMing with a friend or answering their voluminous email, they're probably on the phone or the Internet, or poking away at their Blackberries with a vengeance. If not, Geminis will manage to keep those restless minds active by doodling or solving puzzles and word games.

As for the dualities this sign is famous for? They're all true. In reality, there are a lot more than just two sides to the average Gemini, and each facet of this versatile sign has a fascinating story to tell. All that being said, it's easy to see that the one thing they just can't stand is being bored, tied down or isolated. 'Variety is the spice of life' is this sign's very own motto, and Gemini lives every second with that motto in mind.

So if you're a Gemini yourself, you know this all boils down to the fact that you can't stand being in a rut -- especially when it comes to relationships. Your sign has been called fickle more than once, but that's not fair. The Twins are perfectly capable of being faithful, as long as the person they're with is witty and interesting enough to keep them interested. No, it's not an easy task, but it's well worth it. Life with a Gemini is full of constant activity, endless movement and even more fun. And you can bet they won't scatter their affections if they can find someone who'll be willing to at least try to keep up. Gemini, whether you're a friend or a lover, you're one of the main reasons life on this planet can be fun for the rest of us -- so accept our thanks for just being you.

Oliver

"Someday, when we owe no more to the future, we will meet again."
Quote from a letter written by Jean Russell Larson, Muffs mother and famed childrens book author


Muff had a tenderly loved teddy bear named Oliver. She told me she'd had Oliver since she was a little girl, and she often called him "Odd Liver" and would position him with a good book on her bed, as if he could read it during the day while she was in class.
When something would go horribly wrong in our dorm room, Muff would sternly reprimand Oliver, telling him that, unlike Pooh, he was not a silly old bear, and he was expected to be a discerning gentleman bear. Oliver always looked suitably chastened. Muff once showed me how dancers never get dizzy by keeping their eyes on a spot on the wall while she demonstrated by twirling in a pirouette with Oliver, who cut quite a rug.

It was that sense of whimsy that endeared Muff to my heart so quickly, along with her sly wit and love of literature. She often told me that she felt like Rabbit from Winnie the Pooh tales, but she wanted to bounce like Tigger, yet she didn't want to be so irresponsible and undignified as the head-of-rubber and tail-of-spring critter. I was always a Winnie the Pooh type, in body shape if nothing else, and I used to be such a fluff head in the mornings that Muff would marvel at how long it would take me to put on my socks. She could go to several classes in the morning, come back and still find me with a sock in my hand, half asleep.

Muff had a strong sense of practicality and responsibility because she'd help raise her brothers, and she felt responsible for the well being of her whole family. She also had a sense of dignity and honor, and was steadfast in her morals. I learned a great deal from her on how to be more reserved and less wild and "out there" as a theater major can be...I also tended to say whatever was on my mind out loud, a bad habit that always got me into trouble. Muff once told me that tact was the ability to make a point without making an enemy, and I realized that, through my need to be honest, I often hurt peoples feelings. She taught me that sometimes silence is the best answer, and sometimes its better to err on the side of kindness rather than brutal truth. I miss having that moral compass so close at hand, when I could call her and sound out my ethical dilemmas.

She told me before I got married that she'd checked Jim out, and that he seemed like a good guy, but she had explained to him that if he hurt me, she'd find a way to make his life miserable. In that way, she made him realize that to her, I was part of her family, a person to be treasured and not forsworn. I remember joking to her years later that I was musing about having an affair, and she was vehement in telling me that I should do no such thing, because it would only cause pain to everyone involved, and that as long as I had someone to care for me through sickness and financial troubles and other difficulties, I should consider myself fortunate. She yearned to share her self with someone worthy, and was taken before she found him, but I know that she helped me rethink my priorities and my approach to ethical and spiritual problems many times. I will always be grateful to her for that.